Thursday, February 9, 2012


Who loves conflict? Not I, nor anybody else I think. You might beg to differ though if you lived in my house, it might would seem that I loved it. I would like to think of myself as a peacemaker, but if I really look at my life, I definitely can NOT conclude that. I seem to be the person in which conflict doesn't scare me. I know it's reality, but do I too often pursue it?

For the past few years I have been trying to learn on how to best handle conflict, mostly because there seems to be too much of it in my life (specifically my marriage- bringing two very different people together in a house seems to breed conflict, it's not just me right?). What I have learned is that conflict always begins with your feelings. I was reading today on Lysa TerKeurst's blog about conflict resolution and thought she said it perfectly:
"I had a choice to make. I could get all caught up in the emotion and make this a much bigger deal than it needed to be or I could sit with Jesus and ask for a better perspective.

Often I’ve chosen the emotional route. And honey let me tell you, that’s an exhausting road for sure. As I female I’ve traveled and will travel this road again. It’s part of my DNA and my PMS. But for this situation some rare rationality was tugging me to just sit with Jesus and seek wisdom.

As I sat, the Lord whispered into my heart a question, “What do you really want?”

“I want to pout and explain my feelings and pout some more.” But that wasn’t really true. That’s how I felt but that’s not what I wanted. There’s a big difference between those two. Identifying that difference would lead to a solution. And in the end, a good solution should always be the goal when tackling conflict.

Feelings should be indicators not dictators.

They can indicate there are some emotions to process but not dictate how we act and react in a situation."

I've learned that I do tend to pursue conflict, because I have this need to be heard. I think that my feelings need to be known, an although this might be true, I seem to always mostly let my feelings dictate my actions. I have a choice, process first or react first. I need to take time and process, pray for wisdom, and listen.

It seems that my next step is figuring out how to process before reacting.... self-control. Lord, give me some self-control!

Maybe one day I'll get this figured out. Thankful for a husband and children who push me to grow, even though they come with conflict.


Mandi said...

Why isn't there a like button on blogs? Cause I need one at a time like this! I know what you mean. More and more now, little problems seem to turn into huge things becasue of the way I choose to deal with them. I know there are times I am justified in my emotions, but that doesn't mean that my actions and the way I choose to spray those emotions all over the other person, usually my husband is right. Thanks for putting into words what God has been speaking to my heart.

Bria said...

I just started my blog today and was looking at others when I stumbled on yours. And it was encouraging to be reminded that my house is not the only one who seems to not have melded as wonderfully as I would have liked :) Thanks :)

Mrs MacKenzie said...

Thank you for sharing this! Like Bria said, its nice to know that even families who appear to be perfect have some conflict in the home! Nice to know that we are all human!

Also the advice you shared is sooo good. I am going to try that, next time things get heated I'm just going to go to the bathroom and say a little prayer for wisdom. I do think the Bible is absolutely right when it says women should treat their husbands with "deep" respect. Men are so sensitive to that! And I notice that things never go well when I fail in that area.